Lesson 85: How to Grow in Patience and Longsuffering
Patience is easy to admire and difficult to practice.
We want other people to be patient with:
our weakness;
our mistakes;
our questions;
and our slow progress.
Yet we may become impatient when:
someone moves slowly;
a plan changes;
a child asks the same question;
a church member disappoints us;
a line does not move;
traffic delays us;
or another believer does not mature as quickly as we think he should.
Impatience often appears small.
But beneath it may be:
pride;
anger;
selfishness;
fear;
the desire to control;
or the belief that our time and preferences are more important than everyone else’s.
The Holy Ghost produces something different:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith…”
— Galatians 5:22, KJV
Patience and longsuffering are not optional qualities for unusually calm Christians.
They are part of mature Christian character.
What Is Patience?
In Scripture, patience includes the ability to remain steadfast under:
delay;
pressure;
difficulty;
suffering;
and repeated testing.
Patience does not mean that the difficulty feels pleasant.
It means the difficulty does not force the believer into:
sin;
hasty abandonment;
or faithless action.
Patience stays beneath God’s authority while the burden continues.
What Is Longsuffering?
Longsuffering emphasizes being slow to anger and enduring provocation without immediate retaliation.
It is especially important in relationships.
People may:
misunderstand;
disappoint;
interrupt;
provoke;
or mature slowly.
Longsuffering does not mean approving their wrong conduct.
It means refusing to let irritation, anger, or wounded pride control the response.
Patience often bears difficult circumstances.
Longsuffering often bears patiently with difficult people.
The ideas overlap, and both require grace.
Patience Is Not Passivity
A patient person does not simply refuse to act.
He may:
work;
plan;
correct;
seek help;
establish a boundary;
or confront wrongdoing.
Patience concerns the spirit and manner in which he acts.
An impatient person reacts because he wants immediate relief.
A patient person responds according to:
truth;
wisdom;
love;
and the proper time.
Waiting and inactivity are not identical.
Neither are patience and silence.
Patience Is Not Indifference
Indifference says:
“I do not care what happens.”
Patience cares deeply while refusing to respond sinfully.
A parent may care enough to correct a child repeatedly.
A pastor may teach the same truth many times.
A friend may continue praying while another believer struggles.
Patience is not a lack of concern.
It is concern governed by grace.
Patience Does Not Mean Tolerating Abuse
No one should use patience or longsuffering to pressure a person to remain in:
violence;
sexual abuse;
criminal behavior;
coercive control;
or immediate danger.
A patient response may include:
leaving;
reporting wrongdoing;
seeking medical attention;
contacting lawful authorities;
or establishing firm boundaries.
Longsuffering governs the heart.
It does not require continued unsafe access.
You may refuse revenge while still pursuing truth, justice, and protection.
Trials Develop Patience
James writes:
“My brethren, count it all joy
when ye fall into divers temptations;
Knowing this,
that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work,
that ye may be perfect and entire,
wanting nothing.”
— James 1:2–4, KJV
The word temptations here includes trials and testing.
James does not say the pain itself is enjoyable.
He tells believers to recognize what God can produce through it.
The trying of faith:
“worketh patience.”
Patience develops through being required.
Patience Cannot Grow Without Being Exercised
A person may pray:
“Lord, make me patient.”
Then become surprised when life presents situations requiring patience.
Muscles strengthen through resistance.
Discernment develops through use.
Patience grows as the believer repeatedly chooses obedience while:
waiting;
enduring inconvenience;
or responding to difficult people.
The test is not separate from the lesson.
The test is often part of the training.
Let Patience Complete Its Work
James says:
“Let patience have her perfect work.”
Impatience interrupts the work.
It attempts to escape the process through:
complaining;
quitting;
forcing;
retaliating;
or compromising.
Sometimes leaving a situation is wise.
Sometimes it is simply an attempt to avoid growth.
Ask:
“Is God directing me away from this responsibility?”
“Or am I trying to escape because patience is becoming uncomfortable?”
Patience Does Not Mean Every Difficult Situation Must Continue
Some seasons should end.
Some responsibilities should be changed.
Some relationships require distance.
Some methods are no longer wise.
Patience does not forbid discernment.
The question is whether the decision comes from:
wisdom and truth,
or from the immediate demand:
“I cannot tolerate this feeling another moment.”
Do not let discomfort make every decision.
Impatience Often Reveals a Demand
Impatience usually contains an unspoken demand:
“This must happen now.”
“This person must understand immediately.”
“No one should inconvenience me.”
“My plan must not change.”
“People should develop at my preferred speed.”
Ask:
“What am I demanding?”
The desire may be reasonable.
The demand may not be.
You may prefer promptness, clarity, order, or progress.
You must still remain under God when those things are delayed.
Pride Feeds Impatience
Pride says:
“My time is more valuable.”
“My way is obviously best.”
“I should not have to explain this again.”
“How can they not understand what I understand?”
Humility remembers:
you have required patience from others;
you still have weaknesses;
and every ability has been received.
Patience grows when self-importance becomes smaller.
Fear Can Produce Impatience
Not all impatience comes from anger.
Sometimes fear says:
“If this does not happen quickly, everything will collapse.”
The person begins:
pressuring;
controlling;
repeating himself;
or making hasty decisions.
Patience does not deny that timing matters.
It refuses to let fear manufacture certainty.
Gather facts.
Take responsible action.
Then release what you cannot control.
Exhaustion Weakens Patience
A tired person may become easily irritated.
Hunger, pain, lack of sleep, stress, and illness can reduce emotional capacity.
That does not make sinful conduct righteous.
It does reveal a need for wisdom.
You may need:
rest;
food;
medical care;
a quieter schedule;
or help carrying responsibilities.
Do not treat every failure of patience as though the body has no part in it.
Care for the condition while also taking responsibility for the conduct.
Be Swift to Hear
James continues:
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren,
let every man be swift to hear,
slow to speak,
slow to wrath:
For the wrath of man
worketh not the righteousness of God.”
— James 1:19–20, KJV
Impatience reverses this order.
It is:
slow to hear;
swift to speak;
and swift to wrath.
Patience listens before deciding.
It creates space between the event and the response.
Slow Down Before Speaking
Many impatient words cannot be taken back.
A person may say:
“You never listen.”
“You always ruin everything.”
“I am finished with you.”
Those statements may exaggerate a moment into a permanent judgment.
Before speaking:
pause;
breathe;
pray;
ask a question;
or request time to collect your thoughts.
A short pause can prevent lasting injury.
Slowness Is Not Cowardice
Being slow to speak does not mean avoiding every necessary conversation.
It means refusing careless words.
After listening and praying, you may still need to speak firmly.
Patience prepares a truthful response rather than suppressing truth forever.
Human Wrath Does Not Produce God’s Righteousness
An impatient believer may justify anger by saying:
“I only care about what is right.”
James warns:
“The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”
Righteous concerns can be expressed through sinful anger.
You may be correct about the problem and wrong in your response.
God’s work does not need:
insults;
threats;
humiliation;
or uncontrolled rage.
God Is Longsuffering
The Lord’s patience is the foundation for ours.
The psalmist says:
“The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger,
and plenteous in mercy.”
— Psalm 103:8, KJV
God has been patient with us.
He has not treated us according to the full measure our sins deserve.
This does not mean He ignores sin.
He calls sinners to repentance and will judge righteously.
His patience gives space for repentance.
God’s Longsuffering Is Not Approval
Peter writes:
“The Lord is not slack concerning his promise,
as some men count slackness;
but is longsuffering to us-ward,
not willing that any should perish,
but that all should come to repentance.”
— 2 Peter 3:9, KJV
God’s longsuffering seeks repentance.
It does not redefine evil as acceptable.
That distinction must shape Christian patience.
You may give someone time to repent without telling him that repentance is unnecessary.
You may remain kind without pretending the conduct is harmless.
Remember How Patient God Has Been With You
Before responding harshly, remember:
how many times God corrected you;
how slowly you understood certain truths;
how often you needed mercy;
and how many weaknesses remain.
This does not mean every person should receive identical access or consequence.
It should remove self-righteous cruelty.
The forgiven should not act as though they never needed patience.
Put On Longsuffering
Paul writes:
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God,
holy and beloved,
bowels of mercies, kindness,
humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
Forbearing one another,
and forgiving one another…”
— Colossians 3:12–13, KJV
Longsuffering is joined to:
mercy;
kindness;
humility;
and meekness.
It is not cold tolerance.
It is a gracious disposition toward imperfect people.
Forbearing Means Making Room for Human Weakness
Some conflicts arise from sin that must be addressed.
Others arise because people possess different:
personalities;
backgrounds;
speeds;
preferences;
and levels of understanding.
Forbearance makes room for differences that do not violate Scripture.
Do not turn every irritation into a moral offense.
Ask:
“Is this actually sin?”
“Or is this simply not my preferred way?”
Patience Distinguishes Weakness From Rebellion
A new believer may need instruction.
A grieving person may need gentleness.
A careless person may need warning.
A manipulative person may require boundaries.
A rebellious person may require firm correction.
Patience does not treat every condition alike.
Paul writes:
“Warn them that are unruly,
comfort the feebleminded,
support the weak,
be patient toward all men.”
— 1 Thessalonians 5:14, KJV
Notice the different responses.
Warn.
Comfort.
Support.
But toward everyone:
“be patient.”
Patience Is Not the Same Response to Every Person
Uniform treatment can appear fair while lacking wisdom.
The discouraged person does not need the same approach as the defiant person.
The inexperienced person does not need the same response as the deceptive person.
Patience seeks to understand what kind of help is needed.
It does not merely repeat the same words more loudly.
Patience Gives People Time to Learn
Mature believers may forget how long growth took.
They expect a new Christian to understand immediately:
doctrine;
prayer;
discernment;
church life;
and holiness.
Growth requires:
teaching;
practice;
correction;
and time.
Do not lower the biblical standard.
Do not demand instant maturity.
Patience Does Not Carry Another Person’s Responsibility
You may teach, encourage, correct, and pray.
You cannot repent for another person.
You cannot force another adult to obey God.
Impatience often grows when we attempt to control someone else’s response.
Fulfil your responsibility.
Leave the other person accountable before God.
Patient Parents Still Correct
Patience with children does not mean allowing dangerous or rebellious conduct without consequence.
Children need:
clear instruction;
consistent boundaries;
appropriate consequences;
and repeated teaching.
Impatience may punish from anger.
Passivity may refuse correction.
Patient parenting seeks the child’s good through controlled, consistent action.
Patient Leaders Do Not Excuse Disorder
A leader may need to address:
dishonesty;
disruption;
neglect;
or harmful conduct.
Longsuffering does not mean allowing a destructive pattern to continue indefinitely.
The patient leader:
gathers facts;
explains expectations;
allows appropriate opportunity for correction;
documents serious matters where needed;
and acts without personal vengeance.
Patient Teachers Repeat Truth
Paul told Timothy:
“And the servant of the Lord must not strive;
but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves…”
— 2 Timothy 2:24–25, KJV
Teaching requires patience because people may:
misunderstand;
forget;
resist;
or ask repeated questions.
The servant of the Lord must not become quarrelsome.
Truth does not become more powerful when delivered with contempt.
Some People Will Not Receive Patient Instruction
Patience does not guarantee that everyone will repent.
After clear instruction, appropriate warning, and sufficient opportunity, further steps may be necessary.
A church may need discipline.
An employer may need to end employment.
A parent may need a stronger consequence.
A relationship may require distance.
Patience concerns faithful process, not endless postponement of necessary action.
Be Patient With Slow Results
A farmer does not plant today and harvest tomorrow.
James writes:
“Behold, the husbandman waiteth
for the precious fruit of the earth,
and hath long patience for it,
until he receive the early and latter rain.”
— James 5:7, KJV
Some worthwhile things grow slowly:
character;
trust;
ministry;
discipleship;
healing;
and skill.
Do not destroy a developing work because it has not matured immediately.
The Farmer Is Patient but Active
The farmer waits, but he also:
plants;
tends;
protects;
and prepares.
Biblical patience does not sit carelessly.
It continues the proper work while recognizing that growth cannot be forced.
Do what belongs to you.
Do not attempt to control what belongs to God.
Establish Your Heart
James continues:
“Be ye also patient;
stablish your hearts:
for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.”
— James 5:8, KJV
Patience needs an established heart.
The believer remembers that history is moving toward Jesus Christ.
Present frustration is not the final reality.
The Lord is coming.
Every wrong will not continue forever.
Every faithful work will not be forgotten.
Eternal hope strengthens present patience.
Do Not Turn Impatience Into Complaining
James warns:
“Grudge not one against another, brethren,
lest ye be condemned…”
— James 5:9, KJV
Pressure may cause believers to turn against one another.
They begin:
complaining;
blaming;
and rehearsing each other’s weaknesses.
Patience guards the community from being divided by the strain everyone is experiencing.
Learn From the Prophets
James points to the prophets as examples of suffering and patience.
They spoke God’s Word and often waited long for visible results.
Some were rejected.
Some saw little response.
Faithfulness was not measured merely by immediate success.
When obedience appears unfruitful, continue doing what God has clearly assigned.
Remember the Patience of Job
James says:
“Ye have heard of the patience of Job,
and have seen the end of the Lord;
that the Lord is very pitiful,
and of tender mercy.”
— James 5:11, KJV
Job suffered severely.
He grieved.
He questioned.
He did not understand the hidden conflict.
Patience did not mean silent emotional numbness.
It meant that his suffering did not end the story of God’s mercy.
Patience Can Speak Honestly
A patient believer may say:
“This is difficult.”
“I am tired.”
“This conduct cannot continue.”
“I need help.”
Patience does not require pretending everything is fine.
It keeps honesty beneath faith and obedience.
Suppressed frustration may eventually explode.
Bring concerns into wise, truthful conversation before resentment grows.
Patience Does Not Store Anger
A person may appear quiet while collecting offenses.
He says nothing.
He remembers everything.
Eventually, years of resentment erupt.
That is not longsuffering.
Patient love may:
forgive a minor offense;
address a repeated pattern;
seek mediation;
or establish a boundary.
It does not quietly cultivate bitterness.
Patience Includes Overlooking Some Offenses
Proverbs says:
“The discretion of a man deferreth his anger;
and it is his glory
to pass over a transgression.”
— Proverbs 19:11, KJV
Not every personal offense needs confrontation.
Sometimes wisdom chooses to release it.
Ask:
“Does this need correction?”
“Is someone in danger?”
“Is there a continuing pattern?”
“Or can I forgive this without making it larger?”
Passing over an offense does not mean denying it occurred.
It means choosing not to demand personal repayment.
Patience Requires Slowness to Anger
Proverbs says:
“He that is slow to wrath
is of great understanding:
but he that is hasty of spirit
exalteth folly.”
— Proverbs 14:29, KJV
Quick anger often feels powerful.
Scripture calls it foolish.
Slowness gives time for:
facts;
prayer;
and wisdom
to influence the response.
Patience of Spirit Is Better Than Pride
Ecclesiastes says:
“Better is the end of a thing
than the beginning thereof:
and the patient in spirit
is better than the proud in spirit.
Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry:
for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.”
— Ecclesiastes 7:8–9, KJV
Pride and impatience are closely connected.
Pride says:
“I should not have to endure this.”
Patience says:
“I will not allow this difficulty to pull me outside God’s will.”
Patience Is Needed With Your Own Growth
Some believers become impatient with themselves.
They expect every weakness to disappear quickly.
When it does not, they become discouraged or condemn themselves.
You should remain serious about sin.
You should also recognize that sanctification develops through continuing obedience.
Do not excuse slow growth.
Do not despise the grace already producing change.
Patience With Yourself Is Not Self-Excuse
Biblical patience says:
“I am not yet mature, but I will keep responding to truth.”
Self-excuse says:
“This is simply how I am, and no change should be expected.”
One remains in the process.
The other resists it.
Measure direction, not imagined perfection.
Repair Impatient Failures Quickly
When you respond impatiently:
confess it;
apologize specifically;
repair any harm;
and examine what produced the reaction.
Do not say only:
“I am sorry I lost patience.”
Name what occurred:
“I interrupted you.”
“I spoke disrespectfully.”
“I used an insulting tone.”
“I pressured you unfairly.”
Specific repentance helps form a different response.
Patience Requires Practice Before the Next Test
Do not merely regret impatience afterward.
Prepare.
If a recurring situation exposes you, decide beforehand:
what you will say;
when you will pause;
whom you will call;
or what boundary you will use.
Practice turns good intentions into a more faithful pattern.
Patience and Prayer Belong Together
Paul writes:
“Rejoicing in hope;
patient in tribulation;
continuing instant in prayer;”
— Romans 12:12, KJV
Patience is sustained through hope and prayer.
When pressure rises, pray before reacting.
Prayer reminds the believer:
God is present;
the present feeling is not lord;
and grace is available for the next response.
Do Not Demand Lifetime Patience All at Once
You may think:
“How can I continue with this for years?”
God has not asked you to carry every future day at once.
Ask for grace for the present conversation, delay, responsibility, or season.
Tomorrow will require fresh dependence.
Longsuffering is formed through many present acts of patience.
A Biblical Patience Pattern
1. Identify the Trigger
Name the delay, person, inconvenience, or repeated difficulty.
2. Identify the Demand Beneath It
What are you insisting must happen immediately or according to your preference?
3. Pause Before Speaking or Acting
Become swift to hear and slow to wrath.
4. Distinguish the Situation
Is this weakness, immaturity, rebellion, danger, or merely a different preference?
5. Remember God’s Patience With You
Let received mercy govern the response you give.
6. Choose the Proper Action
The response may be forbearance, instruction, warning, help, consequence, distance, or protection.
7. Speak With Control
Tell the truth without exaggeration, contempt, or threats.
8. Continue the Right Work
Do not quit merely because results are slow.
9. Repair Failures Quickly
Confess impatient speech and establish a better pattern.
10. Entrust Growth and Timing to God
Fulfil your responsibility without trying to control every outcome.
A Patience and Longsuffering Examination
The situation that most often exposes my impatience is:
The demand beneath my impatience is:
The emotion or fear increasing the pressure is:
This situation involves:
weakness / immaturity / sin / danger / preference
The patient and truthful response would be:
The boundary or consequence that may be necessary is:
The words I should avoid are:
The next faithful action is:
Discipleship Questions
- What is the difference between biblical patience and passive failure to address sin, danger, or responsibility?
- How do pride, fear, exhaustion, and the desire for control contribute to impatience?
- Why does First Thessalonians 5:14 command different responses to the unruly, discouraged, and weak while requiring patience toward all?
- How does remembering God’s longsuffering toward us change the way we respond to another person’s slow growth?
- What unspoken demand most often lies beneath your impatient reactions?
Closing Exhortation
Grow in patience and longsuffering.
Do not call anger urgency.
Do not call control leadership.
Do not call passivity patience.
Do not tolerate danger or abuse in the name of Christian endurance.
Be swift to hear.
Be slow to speak.
Be slow to wrath.
Remember how patient God has been with you.
Make room for human weakness.
Distinguish immaturity from rebellion.
Warn when warning is needed.
Comfort the discouraged.
Support the weak.
Establish boundaries without revenge.
Correct without contempt.
Continue the right work when results develop slowly.
Do not demand instant maturity from others or from yourself.
Let patience complete its work.
The farmer waits for precious fruit.
The prophets remained faithful.
Job’s suffering did not cancel the tender mercy of God.
And your present test can become a place where the character of Jesus Christ is formed in you.
A Prayer for Patience and Longsuffering
Father,
You are merciful, gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
Thank You for Your patience with me.
Forgive me for pride, haste, anger, control, complaining, and harsh words.
Forgive me for expecting other people to grow more quickly than I did.
Show me the demands hiding beneath my impatience.
Teach me to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.
Give me wisdom to distinguish weakness, immaturity, rebellion, danger, and personal preference.
Help me comfort those who are discouraged, support those who are weak, warn those who are unruly, and remain patient toward all.
Keep me from confusing patience with passivity.
Give me courage to establish boundaries, report danger, and take necessary action without hatred or revenge.
Help me continue doing what is right when results are slow.
Teach me to respond truthfully without contempt.
When I fail, help me confess quickly and repair the harm I caused.
Care for my body and mind when exhaustion is weakening my responses.
Remind me that the people who test my patience are human beings made in Your image and in need of grace.
Produce longsuffering in me through the Holy Ghost.
Let my home, church, work, and private life display the patience of Jesus Christ.
In His name, amen.
Next Step
Choose one recurring situation that exposes impatience.
Complete these statements:
When This Happens
I Demand That
My Usual Reaction Is
God’s Word Requires
The Wise Boundary or Action Is
The Patient Words I Will Use Are
Before the situation occurs again, pray over your planned response.
When it happens, pause before speaking.
Listen.
Choose the appropriate action.
Then evaluate afterward whether your response was both patient and truthful.
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