Lesson 53: Why God Commands Believers to Love One Another
Jesus did not present love among believers as an optional quality for unusually compassionate Christians.
He commanded it.
“A new commandment I give unto you,
That ye love one another;
as I have loved you,
that ye also love one another.
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples,
if ye have love one to another.”
— John 13:34–35, KJV
The church cannot become what Christ intends through doctrine, worship, organization, and activity alone.
Believers must love one another.
This love does not replace truth, holiness, correction, or discernment.
It governs the spirit in which those responsibilities are carried out.
Why Did Jesus Call It a New Commandment?
God had already commanded His people to love their neighbors.
The command was not new because love had never been required.
It was new in its revealed measure:
“As I have loved you.”
Jesus Christ became the standard.
His disciples were not merely told to feel kindly toward one another.
They were commanded to love with the self-giving love they had received from Him.
Christ loved people who had not earned His love.
He served imperfect disciples.
He patiently taught them.
He bore with their weakness.
He laid down His life.
Christian love therefore begins not with another believer’s worthiness, but with the love Christ has already shown.
Love Begins With God
John writes:
“Beloved, let us love one another:
for love is of God;
and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
He that loveth not knoweth not God;
for God is love.”
— 1 John 4:7–8, KJV
God does not merely command love from a distance.
Love flows from His character.
He is holy, just, truthful, merciful, and loving.
Therefore, Christian love is not created merely by natural compatibility.
It is produced as people who have received God’s love begin reflecting His character.
A believer may naturally feel close to certain people.
Biblical love must extend beyond natural preference.
God Showed Love Through Jesus Christ
John continues:
“In this was manifested the love of God toward us,
because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world,
that we might live through him.
Herein is love, not that we loved God,
but that he loved us,
and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”
— 1 John 4:9–10, KJV
God’s love was manifested through action.
He sent His Son.
Jesus Christ gave Himself for sinners.
God did not wait for humanity to become worthy before showing love.
The gospel becomes the foundation for love within the church.
You love because you were loved.
You show mercy because mercy was shown to you.
You seek another person’s good because Christ sought yours.
Love Is Evidence, Not the Cause, of Salvation
John writes:
“We know that we have passed from death unto life,
because we love the brethren.”
— 1 John 3:14, KJV
The verse does not say that loving believers earns eternal life.
Salvation is through Jesus Christ.
Love for the brethren is evidence that spiritual life has been given.
A changed relationship with God should create a changed relationship with His children.
A person cannot reasonably claim to love the Father while continually hating everyone who belongs to Him.
Love Identifies Christ’s Disciples
Jesus said:
“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples…”
He did not say the world would recognize His disciples only by:
their buildings;
their programs;
their vocabulary;
their public gifts;
or their ability to win arguments.
Love among believers gives visible evidence that Jesus Christ has changed them.
The church’s witness is weakened when believers speak about Christ while treating one another through pride, hostility, jealousy, selfishness, and contempt.
The world may reject biblical truth even when Christians behave faithfully.
But believers should never make the gospel appear false through loveless conduct.
Love Is Commanded, Not Merely Felt
A command addresses the will.
Feelings matter, but feelings change.
You may feel warmth toward one believer and irritation toward another.
One person may be easy to understand.
Another may be difficult.
If love depended entirely upon emotion, Christ’s command would become impossible whenever affection weakened.
Biblical love chooses to seek another person’s good beneath God’s authority.
Emotion may accompany that choice.
Love continues when emotion is limited.
“Charity” Means More Than Giving Money
The King James Bible often uses the word charity when speaking of Christian love.
In modern speech, charity may mean a donation or organization that helps people.
In Scripture, charity describes self-giving love that seeks another person’s true good.
It includes:
care;
sacrifice;
patience;
truthfulness;
compassion;
honor;
and practical action.
Christian charity is not a public performance.
It is love shaped by Christ.
Christ’s Love Is the Measure
Jesus said:
“This is my commandment,
That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
— John 15:12–13, KJV
Jesus ultimately laid down His physical life.
Most believers will not be required to die physically for another Christian.
But love still lays down life through everyday sacrifice.
It may surrender:
time;
comfort;
money;
attention;
personal preference;
convenience;
or the desire always to be first.
A person may claim willingness to die for the brethren while refusing to be inconvenienced by them.
Christlike love becomes visible in smaller sacrifices long before an extraordinary one is required.
Love Must Be Sincere
Paul writes:
“Let love be without dissimulation.
Abhor that which is evil;
cleave to that which is good.”
— Romans 12:9, KJV
Dissimulation means hypocrisy or pretense.
Christian love must be genuine.
It should not be used to:
gain influence;
build a reputation;
control another person;
receive praise;
or create a false appearance of spirituality.
A person may speak warmly while secretly resenting the one he addresses.
He may offer help so that others will notice.
He may flatter someone whose approval he wants while ignoring those who cannot benefit him.
Love without hypocrisy seeks good even when no public reward follows.
Love Does Not Mean Calling Evil Good
Romans 12 joins sincere love with:
“Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.”
Biblical love is morally serious.
It does not approve sin in order to avoid discomfort.
It does not encourage conduct that will destroy another person spiritually.
Neither does it use truth as permission for cruelty.
Lesson 84 will explain fully how love and truth remain together.
The foundation here is:
Love seeks a person’s true good beneath God’s truth.
Love Is Not the Same as Agreement
Believers may disagree about:
preferences;
methods;
personal judgments;
secondary doctrines;
and practical decisions.
Love does not require pretending every difference is unimportant.
It does require refusing contempt, needless hostility, and selfish division.
You may disagree honestly while remembering:
“This person belongs to Christ.”
Love does not erase conviction.
It governs how conviction is expressed.
Love Does Not Require Equal Closeness With Everyone
Jesus loved His disciples, but not every relationship functioned identically.
Likewise, Christians are not required to share the same depth of personal confidence with every believer.
Trust, responsibility, maturity, safety, and circumstance affect closeness.
You can love someone sincerely without making that person your closest counselor or giving him unrestricted access to your life.
Love seeks good.
Wisdom governs closeness.
Love Gives Honor
Paul writes:
“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love;
in honour preferring one another;”
— Romans 12:10, KJV
The church should not become a competition for recognition.
Love does not need to be:
most noticed;
most praised;
most consulted;
or always first.
To honor another believer means recognizing that person’s value before God.
It includes:
listening;
showing respect;
expressing gratitude;
and refusing to treat someone as insignificant.
Love Refuses Partiality
People naturally gravitate toward those who are:
similar;
useful;
attractive;
influential;
educated;
or socially comfortable.
But the church contains people from different ages, backgrounds, incomes, cultures, personalities, and levels of maturity.
Christian love must not be reserved only for people who make fellowship easy.
Ask:
“Whom do I overlook?”
“Whom do I greet only briefly?”
“Whose value have I measured by what that person can offer me?”
Christ did not create His church as a gathering of social equals who naturally preferred one another.
He created one family through His blood.
Love Looks Beyond Self-Interest
Paul commands:
“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory;
but in lowliness of mind
let each esteem other better than themselves.
Look not every man on his own things,
but every man also on the things of others.”
— Philippians 2:3–4, KJV
Love notices needs beyond its own.
Self-centeredness asks:
“How does this affect me?”
“Will I benefit?”
“Will I receive recognition?”
Love also asks:
“What is this person carrying?”
“What encouragement may be needed?”
“How can I help without drawing attention to myself?”
This does not require neglecting legitimate responsibilities.
It means your own interests are not the only interests you see.
Love Must Become Practical
John writes:
“But whoso hath this world’s good,
and seeth his brother have need,
and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him,
how dwelleth the love of God in him?
My little children,
let us not love in word, neither in tongue;
but in deed and in truth.”
— 1 John 3:17–18, KJV
Words matter.
Encouragement may be deeply valuable.
But words should not become a substitute for action when action is reasonably possible.
If a believer has a real need and you possess the ability to help, love should at least consider what can be done.
Practical love may involve:
providing a meal;
giving transportation;
helping with work;
sharing resources;
visiting;
making a call;
praying faithfully;
or connecting someone with appropriate help.
Love Does Not Mean Meeting Every Request
A need and a request are not always identical.
Someone may request something unwise, harmful, dishonest, or beyond your responsibility.
Love does not require enabling sin, disorder, or manipulation.
You may need to say no while still seeking the person’s true good.
Practical love requires both compassion and wisdom.
The question is not:
“Did I give the person everything requested?”
It is:
“Did I respond truthfully, compassionately, and obediently before God?”
Love Notices
John describes someone who:
“seeth his brother have need…”
The need was visible.
The person saw it.
Love begins by paying attention.
Church members may sit near one another for months while knowing very little about each other’s burdens.
You cannot respond to every hidden need.
But you can become more attentive.
Notice:
who is absent;
who seems burdened;
who is new;
who is serving quietly;
who may need encouragement;
and who has stopped participating.
Love looks beyond its own schedule.
Love Listens
People sometimes attempt to help before listening.
They assume they understand.
Offer quick advice.
Interrupt.
Or turn the conversation toward themselves.
Love listens carefully enough to learn what is actually needed.
Listening does not mean accepting every conclusion as true.
It means valuing the person enough to hear him before responding.
A thoughtful question may express more love than a hurried speech.
Love Prays
Prayer is not a lesser form of love when it is sincere.
Some needs cannot be solved through human action.
A believer may face grief, temptation, illness, family conflict, or decisions beyond your ability to repair.
Pray specifically.
Remember the matter later.
Ask for an update.
Do not always say:
“I will pray,”
and then forget.
Faithful prayer carries another believer before God.
Love Protects Rather Than Spreads Harm
Love does not use another person’s weakness as material for conversation.
When a believer shares a burden privately, do not spread it for attention.
Confidentiality is not absolute when someone is in danger, abuse is occurring, or appropriate help must be sought.
But ordinary struggles should not become gossip disguised as prayer concern.
Love asks:
“Does this person need help?”
Not:
“Who else would find this story interesting?”
Love Rejoices With and Suffers With Others
Paul describes the body:
“And whether one member suffer,
all the members suffer with it;
or one member be honoured,
all the members rejoice with it.”
— 1 Corinthians 12:26, KJV
Love enters both sorrow and joy.
Some people can sympathize with suffering but become jealous when another person is honored.
Others celebrate success but withdraw from burdens.
Christian love does both.
When another believer is blessed, do not treat his good as your loss.
When he suffers, do not avoid him because his pain is inconvenient.
Love Refuses Envy
Another believer may receive:
an opportunity;
recognition;
a spiritual gift;
a relationship;
or an answer to prayer that you desired.
Envy turns that person’s blessing into a personal injury.
Love gives thanks for God’s work in another life.
You may still bring your own disappointment honestly before God.
Do not punish another person because God’s path for him currently appears easier or more visible than yours.
Love Continues
Scripture says simply:
“Let brotherly love continue.”
— Hebrews 13:1, KJV
Love may begin strongly and weaken when relationships become difficult.
The command is:
Let it continue.
Continue showing respect.
Continue praying.
Continue seeking good.
Continue refusing bitterness.
Continuing love does not mean ignoring danger, abandoning wisdom, or pretending trust has not been damaged.
It means refusing to make hatred your settled response.
Believers Must Increase in Love
Paul wrote:
“But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you:
for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another.
And indeed ye do it toward all the brethren…
but we beseech you, brethren,
that ye increase more and more;”
— 1 Thessalonians 4:9–10, KJV
The Thessalonians already loved.
Paul still urged them to increase.
Love is not a lesson the believer completes and leaves behind.
There is always room to become:
less selfish;
more attentive;
more generous;
more truthful;
more patient;
and more willing to sacrifice.
Love Must Begin Among Those Near You
It is easy to speak about loving Christians around the world while neglecting the believer sitting nearby.
You may feel concern for distant suffering yet remain cold toward:
your spouse;
family members;
church members;
or someone who regularly inconveniences you.
Concern for distant believers is good.
Love must also become visible where your conduct can actually be tested.
Begin with the people God has placed near you.
Love Is Not Merely Being Nice
Niceness often seeks to avoid discomfort.
Love seeks true good.
A pleasant manner can accompany love, but love may also require:
a difficult conversation;
a warning;
a boundary;
or refusal to participate in wrongdoing.
Those responsibilities belong more fully to later lessons.
The point here is that love is deeper than maintaining a friendly appearance.
Love remains governed by God’s truth and the other person’s real good.
Love Must Not Become Control
A person may claim:
“I only do this because I love you,”
while using guilt, pressure, constant intrusion, or possessiveness.
Biblical love does not seek to own another believer.
It does not demand access to every decision.
It does not make help conditional upon personal control.
Love serves beneath Christ.
It does not attempt to replace Christ as the other person’s master.
Love Serves Through Freedom
Paul writes:
“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty;
only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh,
but by love serve one another.”
— Galatians 5:13, KJV
Christian freedom is not permission for self-centeredness.
Freedom should make the believer more available to serve, not less concerned about others.
Service will receive fuller treatment in Lesson 57.
The foundation here is that love moves outward.
Grace does not teach:
“I am free, so no one may need anything from me.”
It teaches:
“I am free in Christ to serve without trying to earn salvation.”
Love Is an Ongoing Debt
Paul writes:
“Owe no man any thing,
but to love one another:
for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.”
— Romans 13:8, KJV
The debt of love is never finished.
You cannot say:
“I encouraged that person once, so I no longer owe love.”
Love continues as relationships and needs continue.
This does not mean every believer must satisfy every demand.
It means the obligation to seek good is never cancelled by inconvenience.
Hatred Contradicts a Claim to Love God
John writes:
“If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother,
he is a liar:
for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen,
how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
And this commandment have we from him,
That he who loveth God love his brother also.”
— 1 John 4:20–21, KJV
This is a serious warning.
A person may sing about loving God while preserving hatred toward a believer.
John exposes the contradiction.
Love for God cannot remain only vertical and invisible.
It must affect how we treat people who belong to Him.
Love Is Not Sinless Perfection
Believers will sometimes fail to love well.
They may become impatient.
Overlook a need.
Speak carelessly.
Misunderstand.
Respond selfishly.
Failure should lead to confession and correction, not denial.
Do not say:
“I love everyone,”
while refusing to examine actual conduct.
Ask:
“Where has my love become cold?”
“Whom have I treated as unimportant?”
“Where have words replaced action?”
“Where am I preserving resentment?”
A Practical Love Pattern
1. Remember Christ’s Love
Begin with what He has done for you.
2. See the Other Believer as Belonging to Christ
Do not measure worth only by personality or usefulness.
3. Examine Your Motive
Is your love sincere, or are you seeking recognition or influence?
4. Notice the Actual Need
Do not assume. Pay attention and listen.
5. Seek the Person’s True Good
Love must remain governed by truth and wisdom.
6. Take a Practical Step
Pray, encourage, give, visit, listen, help, or make contact.
7. Refuse Gossip, Envy, and Contempt
Do not damage the person while claiming love.
8. Continue
Do not love only while it feels easy.
A Brotherly-Love Examination
Do I love only believers who are similar to me?
Whom do I regularly overlook?
Am I jealous of another believer’s blessing or recognition?
Have I spoken warmly while secretly resenting someone?
Have I promised prayer or help and failed to follow through?
Do I know enough about the people in my church to recognize their needs?
Is there a believer I have treated mainly as an inconvenience?
What practical good can I do this week?
Discipleship Questions
- Why is Christ’s love—not another person’s worthiness—the foundation of Christian love?
- How is love evidence of spiritual life without becoming the means by which salvation is earned?
- Why must Christian love move beyond words and become practical?
- What is the difference between seeking someone’s true good and merely giving that person everything requested?
- Which believer do you most need to love through a specific action?
Closing Exhortation
Love one another.
Not only those who are easy to love.
Not only those who agree with you.
Not only those who notice your sacrifice.
Love because God loved you.
Love according to the pattern of Jesus Christ.
Let love be sincere.
Give honor.
Notice needs.
Listen.
Pray.
Act.
Rejoice when another believer is honored.
Suffer with those who suffer.
Refuse envy.
Refuse gossip.
Refuse contempt.
Do not call flattery love.
Do not call compromise love.
Do not call control love.
Seek the true good of your brothers and sisters beneath the authority of Jesus Christ.
The church should not merely preach about God’s love.
It should make that love visible.
A Prayer to Love Other Believers
Father,
Thank You for loving me and sending Jesus Christ to be the propitiation for my sins.
I did not earn Your love.
You showed it through the sacrifice of Your Son.
Teach me to love other believers as Christ has loved me.
Forgive me for selfishness, coldness, jealousy, partiality, gossip, contempt, and empty words.
Show me where I have loved only those who are similar, useful, or easy to understand.
Help me see every believer as someone who belongs to Jesus Christ.
Let my love be sincere.
Keep me from seeking attention, influence, control, or praise through acts of kindness.
Teach me to notice needs, listen carefully, pray faithfully, give wisely, and act when I am able to help.
Help me rejoice when another believer is honored and suffer compassionately when another member hurts.
Keep love and truth together in my life.
Do not let me excuse sin in the name of love or use truth as permission for cruelty.
Show me one person whom I should encourage, contact, help, honor, or pray for today.
Let the love among Your people show the world that we belong to Jesus Christ.
In His name, amen.
Next Step
Choose one believer and complete this plan:
The person is:
The need, burden, or encouragement I have noticed is:
The selfish reason I may have avoided responding is:
The practical action I can take is:
The prayer I will pray for this person is:
When I will follow through is:
Do not write only:
“I should love people more.”
Choose a person.
Choose an action.
Then follow through without seeking recognition.
Previous Lesson: Lesson 52 — How to Choose Fellowship Wisely
Next Lesson: Lesson 54 — How to Receive Correction With Humility